I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize