Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
where are my eyebrows?
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