shes about as inviting as chlamydia
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
