Why are handjobs necessary in class?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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