but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
