do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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