I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
