ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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