Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
