she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize