this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
