this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
