Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
