Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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