I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
