Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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