I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
