Got a toothbrush?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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