we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
