From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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