hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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