sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
