He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Farmville is her only friend.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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