How'd it feel making her break her religion?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
