i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
