I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
