i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i dont even know how to be here
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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