This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
