My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
