I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
