RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
