So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
