I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
