The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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