I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
