do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
