Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
