you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
