Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
