My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
