Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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