yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm too high and old for this...
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