You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
