last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
