so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
