I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
