I hate all girls vehemently.
Porn is love you can see.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
