I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
