It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
