Have you finally orgasmed yet?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
