oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
