Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize