Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
