We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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