he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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