Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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