Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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