actually, I'm a sock model
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
