All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
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