Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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