dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize