we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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