Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
