You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize