allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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