I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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