I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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