Can i not drive my cunt home
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
