i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
