she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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