I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
there is puke in my bra ... again
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
