so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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