Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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