yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
