I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
