it was like his penis was on wheels.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
