I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
