The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
