Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
