If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I fill condoms, not promises.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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