I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
