WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
