Kiss
Puke
grandma shit on top of the toilet
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
