dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
