I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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