i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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