I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
