Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Randomize
