I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
