the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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